Life has its unique way of knocking people down who are already trying damn hard. Just when I thought I had convinced myself that I am doing just fine as a thirty-something working mom, I now feel yet again insufficient, unproductive, lost and not doing enough. I’m questioning my self-worth one more time. Surely, I worth a lot as a mother of three adorable children but I still sense an empty hole that needs to be filled. Raising children and nourishing a family is my purpose, and, I know that. However, I desire to pursue something else, something outside my super domesticity and more impactful to others.
For the past years, I did not entertain the possibility of freelancing. As an accountant for a decade, I know I can offer my expertise and quality services to sole proprietors and small businesses. However, I felt then that it was not my thing. I’m not convinced I can handle a business of my own and talk to clients one on one. I’m an introvert and an empath, a not-so-good combination. Neither do I have the calm demeanor and patience that successful entrepreneurs possess. What I have is temper, which is again bad for any business. With all those defining factors, I decided to focus on stock trading, where I work (win and lose) on my own.
Then I met people who not only inspire me but also made me realize how mediocre my life is. I’m not trying to beat myself here, nor do I want others reading this to beat themselves. Because I also believe that it’s okay to be just who we are if that’s what makes us happy and fulfilled. It’s okay not to be a freelancer. It’s okay not to own MBAs, PhDs, and other citations and accreditations. It’s okay not to own a business. It’s okay not to directly inspire others. It’s okay to be behind-the-scenes. It’s okay not to be a front-liner. It’s okay to be an introvert, empath, reserved and elusive. It’s okay not to be as outgoing as others if that’s who you authentically are. It’s okay not to be comfortable with others quickly or to take much time before you warm up with others. It’s okay not to live the way others do. It’s okay not to be like them because you are you and you are created uniquely. It’s all okay as long as you are happy and fulfilled.
The problem with me is that I don’t feel fulfilled. Hence, the need to move, explore opportunities and find the missing piece of MY puzzle. I’ll surely pray about this new vague area in my life. Please pray for me too. Prayers should come with hard work, I know that. So, to help me figure things out, I’ll use Ikigai.
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means a reason for being. Usually, it indicates the source of a person’s life and its meaning or what makes one’s life worthwhile. I first came across this term when I was still using the good ‘ole BDJ planner. I did not give it much attention then since I was not feeling lacking at that time. But, now I think I need it to help me figure out what I still want to do in life and how to fulfill my other personal needs, my other purpose in life perhaps. More about Ikigai here.
Obviously, I can take care of children so I’m thinking of putting up a daycare center where parents can leave their kids for a day of rest. As a parent myself, I know how kids can exhaust a person’s energy and how extremely difficult it is for parents to have their most-coveted me-time/couple-time. I can also take the route of teaching since I feel deep satisfaction in mentoring others or shaping young minds. I can also start taking seriously giving financial advice to people since I am being constantly asked about that.
Do you know what else I realize? That there are indeed endless possibilities for all of us. We only need to carefully pick which one/ones that will matter to us and will fulfill us and our purpose in the long run. When I’m done processing my Ikigai, I will show it to you here. Until then, I ask for your prayers for enlightenment and clarity. 😊