Mom life is a tough life. Aside from physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation (when you still have a toddler, I guess), the emotional burden of always feeling inadequate as a parent to your kids is overwhelming. If only the world is kinder where people reserve their judgments, respect differences and tolerate others’ preferences, then mom life would be a bit lighter and easier. While I appreciate the rich information about parenting which we can get for free through the Internet, I sadly think that it has also opened doors for unnecessary negativity and weight on our shoulders, things we get from other people through social media, whether from our friends, relatives, pages we liked or forums we joined.
Here is what I think, we, mommies need the least!
Being responsible for the life of another human being already entails a lot of pressure by itself. Mamas do not need additional pressure to have a baby girl or a baby boy in the family. Mamas do not need to be pressured about their children’s school grades or performances. Each child is unique. No woman should be pressured about having more or lesser kids. No woman should be pressured about natural birth. No woman should be pressured about breastfeeding. And, now, with a new trend, no woman should be pressured about raising their children the Montessori way, or any other certain way for that matter.
I appreciate advices even the unsolicited ones. That’s how tolerating I am. However, an advice which sounds like it’s the one and only right thing to do is simply disrespectful. Advices which degrade and make others look bad or stupid are simply rude. Good advises offer options or personal accounts of certain situations. Voiced concerns (aka comments) should never make anyone feel less of themselves. There is a thin line between showing concern and being an intruder, so the golden rule should apply, that is, do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. In most cases, comments put other mamas into a bad light. Have you ever encountered someone advising you NOT TO FOLLOW your pediatrician’s instructions, even vehemently arguing against medical science? When you give out a piece of advice or concern, you let someone consider your idea. You don’t force it down their throat.
Shamers and Bashers.
I wish we can be more understanding towards mothers. Mamas shouting at their kids are not bad mothers. Mamas scolding their kids in public are not bad mothers. Mamas letting their kids play in the dirt, eat candies, chocolates and ice cream and stay up late in the night are not bad mothers. Have you seen the picture of a mom in an airport who let her baby lie down on the floor (in a mat)? She was bashed mercilessly because of that image of her which circulated and went viral on the social media but the truth behind that picture would make everyone who quickly judged her cringe! As it turned out, they had an exhausting day at the airport, suffered delays and cancellations. Read the story here. The takeaway lesson is that for all to reserve their judgments first. Spread love, not hate.
This one is thankfully within our control, mommies. I know how hard it is not to feel envious, inadequate and guilty whenever we see or read something which seems to be perfect or far better than what we are, what we have and what we can offer. Other kids’ achievements, early or record-breaking milestones, passport stamps, number of check-ins should not make you feel less of a mom. You should not at all feel guilty if, at the moment, you could not achieve and afford those. Stop keeping up with the Joneses because it’s a never-ending, unsatisfying and sad cycle. Instead, work on your dreams. Make your dreams for your children/family come true. Life, although fleeting is not a race. It is a journey to relish and be grateful for. Live in the present. Live to the fullest. Feeling guilty won’t make you achieve a full and happy life.
What do you think, mommies? Do you agree with this list? Well, for me, being a mom is blissful yet really tough. So, here I am hoping we can support each other without any pressure, misplaced comments/advice, bashing, and guilt. This blog is a safe place for that, I promise! If only the world is kinder to mommies then rasing children would be less tough and more joyful. However, I think that wishing for the world to be nicer is a long shot, so, let’s start with no one else but us, mommies.