The past days haven’t been the best days of my life. I’ve been depressed and miserable. Everything seems to be falling apart for countless reasons. Validity and significance are besides the point. Thus, I tried to search for my own happiness through my own means and by my own standards (or perhaps, world’s standards). Only, I realized they were all superficial.
I shop ’till I maxed out my credit limits and hurt my savings big time. I drank all the lattes and frappes ’till I got acid re-flux. I indulged in every pastry, danish bread, cake and chocolate ’till I gained back all the pounds I shed during diet weeks. I downloaded apps ’till my smartphone broke down. I met every friend available ’till there’s none. I took day-offs ’till my leaves are exhausted. I traveled to places ’till its no longer enjoyable. I switched jobs ’till non-satisfaction. All, superficial, I sadly thought to my self.
All I achieved were more pounds, less savings, new debts and an awful lot of useless stuff (books, clothes etc etc) which I do not really need or I may no longer want in the months to come. Not happiness, definitely. Not the kind of happiness we humans desire in our hearts. I looked for the wrong place. I drew the wrong equation. I used a wrong formula. I searched for the wrong way.
I was lost. Thankfully God found me. I remembered how I crawled to church and enthusiastically visited Him during my college days. I don’t know why or how I stopped doing that when in fact, I need Him everyday of my life the way I needed Him when i was still studying. Indeed, I have forgotten our good times and busied my self too much to earthly matters. I buried my self to accumulating things and experiences which will not matter in the end. I focused on generating money. I blindly follow the crowd, what I see in the social media. Knowing He’s always there made me neglect Him and our supposed to be quality time together. Knowing He’s always good and kind-hearted made me abuse Him. I won’t wait for the moment when it’s gonna be too late to make amends. Today must be the start of my continuous search for the truth and the light. Today I will make new rules in finding my happiness. Actually, let me correct my self, I just have one bold rule and a few sub-rules. I know God will help me because He loves leading back to the righteous path each of His lost child.
Mission: To live a life for which I am created for.
Vision: A woman who makes positive impact in every path she crosses and every person she meets not because of her qualities but because God radiates from her.
Mantra: I can never be happy as I want or supposed to be less I seek Him first.
Power Verse: Mathew 6:33 “But seek first His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
One Bold Rule: Always Put God First
1. Be serious about understanding His words.
2. Read the plans daily. Take or make time. Get the time from other less sensible activities like social medias.
3. Tithe again.
4. Go to His place more often. Not only during Sundays.
5. Pray hard. Pray a lot. Praying is talking to God.
6. Remember what is superficial and what are they in my life.
7. Looking sideways is devil’s work.
After this, I know I will still not be perfect. Never will be. I don’t intend to be one anyway. My life isn’t either. Things aren’t going to be always easy, smooth and nice in my grid. problems won’t be instantly solved. But I expect changes in the way I think and live. I expect an abundance of blessings in forms beyond my imagination. I expect happiness and this expectation I just know is right and realistic. He promised. At least now, I know where to pick up my happy face. I know what happy place to got to. I know what to pop when I press Ctrl+F for happiness again. I know what my happiness is. Beyond superficial.
Tuesday blues? Not really. Just enlightenment.