I’ve been married for 2 years, 2 months. I know it’s not much especially as compared to those of others but it’s amazing and even surprising that in just a matter of 26 months, there are things that I already know for sure about marriage. Example, I know for sure that love may be the main ingredient of a lasting marriage but it’s not enough. It is not the lone key to successful relationships. That my friends is, Reality. I know for sure that marriage is indeed hard work, though it’ll be more fun and probably easier when you get yourself a great partner. Its still a long way to go for me before I could give anyone nuggets of wisdom when it comes to relationships but it won’t hurt to share more of the things I know for sure about marriage, based on first-hand experience.
I know for sure that the first year of marriage is the most momentous and memorable year for a married couple. You’re just like a BF-GF moved in, living together. That is of course, if you still don’t have kid/kids. Sure there are shocking even disturbing discoveries, bad tempers, misunderstandings and disagreements but you’ll just regard all of that as part of the so-called ‘adjustment period’ and the kiss and make-up after will always be the sweetest.
I know for sure that the second year is the year of transformation from two distinct individuals to two distinct individuals forming one body. As you get used to your own adjustments, before you know it, you’re transforming already into persons complimenting each other. Maybe this is one reason why some marriages do not last. They fail to transform themselves. They fail to incorporate the adjustments to their own characters. They just adjust. You see, I see adjusting as a day to day requirement while transforming means going for a long-term, even permanent changes.
I know for sure that at least for young marriages, it’s normal to have doubts and questions at the height of emotions during the peak of quarrels. Sometimes you forget that you signed a contract with terms, FOREVER and that you promised to stick your nose no matter what, that you involved God. After the fight always, always, comes the reflection: Is this issue big enough to dissolve a marriage? Is this fight too serious to break us apart? Is this issue cannot be ignored, not now, not ever? Is this really new to me or he’s always been like that? OR Can I live with it? Can I accept it? Do our happy moments weigh more than all these issues? Can I believe when he said he’ll change or that he’ll never do it again?
To share a concrete example, one thing I don’t love about my husband is his clutter! DVDs, books, gadgets, wires and what have you all over. The freebies like pens, ID holders, notepads, fans he cannot find in his heart to throw out of the garbage is maddening truly. It’s appalling but after a careful and calm thinking, I just know that I won’t end my marriage because of clutter. There are other issues we disagree and sometimes debate about but the commitment we have is too strong compared to our at least current issues. As a general rule of life, look at the bigger and brighter picture. When I see his clutter I just think of how much he’s willing to help me with household chores long as I ask him nicely.
I know for sure that in marriage, focusing on beautiful blessings is the way to go.
I know for sure that a child makes a stronger bond between parents. I say this neither because I want my son to have a father figure nor do I badly need his financial support. I say this because a child is the living testimony of his parents’ love for each other. A child is the fruit of a great love and relationship blessed by God. Cheesy, corny or whatever but I know its true. Imagine a love becoming an actual human being with a life and body of its own. What a sweet thought!
I know for sure that no matter how strong and complete you were before marriage, there will always be moments of weakness, insecurity, sadness and vulnerability and marriage offers a perfect sanctuary. Knowing that there is one person who is behind you 100%, willing to hold your hand and give you love, care and support and reminds you of rainbows is such a big lift for a dampen spirit.
I know for sure that marriage is not just a noun. It’s an action word. It’s dynamic. It has needs to be met like growth, time (quality and quantity), attention, communication, nourishment, romance and fire. It is to mature just like people. Marriage is more than just love, it requires respect, aspirations, understanding and many more. Most, I am yet to discover in years ahead.
I know for sure that marriage needs God and everything He represents.
Two years, two months, too early to say what kind of marriage I have or will have in the future but the lessons I learn from my marriage are the kind of lessons I will imprint in my heart. That, I know for sure.
Kisses and love this rainy Friday.