A Story Behind
Guy: Yeah, you look good. Why do you always ask? (seeing another shopping bag) Shopping again?
Girl: There’s a story behind my issues with self-esteem, impulsive shopping and being a control freak!
Aha, stories which she had buried a long time ago. Sadly though, she had to dig them out from their graves so that her guy would understand where all these issues are coming from. They had a financially challenged times during childhood, as in Chozen days (fish crackers as ‘ulam’ or dish partner with rice). That’s about the root of all. Now, the summary of her stories:
Her impulsive shopping is due to their lack of ability to buy things before. Christmas was the only time when they could buy new clothes, new toys or anything ‘new’, that was if they’re lucky enough to have extra dough or extra belongings to bring to pawnshops again. Numerous times that she wanted to buy stuff especially during her growing up years, college days it was and she just failed and get frustrated repeatedly. All her priced possessions like the first family computer or that game-boy and ‘genuine’ Skechers shoes were products of month(s)-long austerity measures or installment schemes with sky-high interests, if not from the help of her mom’s bestfriend – pawnshops.
Even a Goldilock’s cake (another post, it’s an interesting story).
Next is being a control freak which is brought by the shadow of her father. They have a good dad, a typically good daddy. Only, he was not able to draw the thin line between being a good father and a good son and/or brother.
Then, her issues with self-esteem, founded by the silent rivalry she had with her other relatives who were of the same age as she was. She could not compete with them of course because they had no money. She simply is not the favorite (never was), their whole family actually because at that time, they’re literally in a hand-to-mouth existence (isang kahig isang tuka) and human nature dictates that you must get closer to the people with power, money and fame because you may benefit from them. Unfortunately for the girl, fame, money and power, were things her family lacked. However, she already knew and have accepted long ago how the world works and she totally, absolutely gets it. What she could not comprehend were the reasons and the need for hurtful comments and snide remarks, mocking and making faces and insults every now and then. It would
really surely leave a bad*ss mark to a child’s heart and mind who was in her tender formative years.
Elder: I HAVE the same dress you’re wearing! There’s a lot of that in “tiangge” (flea markets)right?
Grade-schooler: Err? (Didn’t know how to respond. Poor little girl.)
Relatives: Don’t like buying fakes. They’re sub-standard. Yuck!
Grade-schooler: (Noticed they’re looking at her fake Skechers. Just cried her heart out)
After the stories, needless to say the guy felt his wife’s emotions and now understands fully her every action, flaw, happiness and frustration. The girl clarified that none of the stories matter anymore right now and even the characters involved in her stories She had survived but the scars and some irreparable damages are already there and could not be undone.
To all the guys out there, the stories may have been buried or kept in a closet so as to forgive, forget, let go and move on but the scars will always be there and the ghosts too. Some
effects damages are NOT REPAIRABLE only CONTROLLABLE, some wounds are NOT CURABLE only MANAGEABLE. True enough, for everything a girl feels, says or buys I honestly think there’s a story behind, whether she knows it or not. Just give them more time to perhaps heal, more care to feel secured and more love to feel important.
To all the females out there, manage well your ghosts. Be grateful for that man who understands and accepts you with wide open arms. Tell your stories. Share the lessons and the inspiration and make sure your children will have a wonderful childhood and never ever let other people make them feel inferior or unimportant. Don’t let the light within your kids die young.
P.S. Some lines written here may be similar to the author’s own experiences but the real inspiration is the known fact that women are GENERALLY not confident about themselves (sometimes hormonal), control freaks (due to bad experiences, traumatic even) and impulsive shoppers (I have no comment here! 😉 ). It’s quite a typical rags-to-riches kind of tale. I just want to make it clear though, that the author has a pleasant father, a wonderful childhood and a totally awesome mom who cares, provides and fights for her.
Cute story right? Happy weekend! xoxo